p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
