After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
