lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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