So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
