This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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