i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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