last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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