I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Someone signed my nipple.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
