dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I am one with the molecules
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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