There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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