Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
