she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
All the doctor said was why
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
