You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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