watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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