I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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