i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
