God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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