So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
