wakey wakey hands off snakey
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
