You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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