Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
