Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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