i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
