the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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