Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
