as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
