no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
