I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
