This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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