So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
