Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
