I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
