Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
