Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
