He asked to "fluff my boner.."
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
