im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I need to calm my uterus...
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
