I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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