omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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