I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
and she was petting her beer can
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
