I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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