my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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