you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
