This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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