just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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