Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
