The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Randomize
