i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
