When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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