we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
