the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
