just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
