I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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